First poem here:
If this were Lewes they’d start a campaign,
to retain the town’s loos under their ‘rights to complain’:
At the top of their list – everyone’s freedom to p*ss,
in a designated place, not in some parking space.
The threatened Luxford loos would be declared a free state,
by a clique of DFLs*, whose lives are deplete
of any purpose on earth, ‘cept lattes, and revolution,
(still regretting their vote against the Liberal’s coalition,
that vote of disgust against tuition fees,
meant swapping their Liberal for a Conservative MP).
Back to the loos – for ‘Men’ and ‘Women’,
the cold seats under threat from the Council’s scheming:
If this were Lewes they’d buy up the plot,
get planning permission, and build a string shop,
in which they’d accept the new ‘Lewes Quid’,
that banknotes’ ink made from recycled p*ss.
DFLs* – ‘Down From London’ derogatory Lewesian
term for people moving into the Lewes: also applied
to people moving from Lewes to Uckfield:
‘Downsized From Lewes’